When Will People Learn Reality Has Absolutely No Place In My Universe?

``I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the time he killed himself.``
- Just something I heard somewhere

Well... That was quiet a hiatus there, but thanks to a surprsing amount of energy and fueled by Diet Coke, Your Friendly Neighbourhood Art Nouveau Girl is back to bore you all with my strange mix of cynicism, pessimism, and overwhelming cheerfulness.
How do I do it?
Must be the weather, It's finally sunny here in good old Milton (dripping with sarcasm) after long cold winter (particularily in the school which is trying to kill us, by not putting on the heat), and I'm feeling waves of unexpected notaglia. I keep thinking of a quote from an old Recess (so a grade two reference, right?) episode, where TJ regresses back to kindergarten and goes all Peter Pan complex (sidenote: the complex I invented on Urban Dictionary, The Marty Mcfly Complex [doing something because someone called you coward/chicken/yellow] has been seen by thousands of people, and even spurned a spin-off, type 2 complex- cool!) on us, never wanting to grow up. A line from the episode talking abot the Kindergarteners' carefree life, keeps playing through my mind (along with Daria, by Cake): "Their way of life is coming to an end. Soon they'll be first graders."
This applies to me as well. My way of life for the past seventeen years is ending, I'm stepping headlong into the unknown so, I guess my annoying little inner child is clutching desperatedly at straws, trying to grasp on to that last bit of childhood, and I begin the ardous, often teary process of looking back on my (own) so-called life and realizing just how much I have done (moving, bullying victim eating disorder, depression, self- discovery....etc.)

(UPDATE! - Yay! I got in everywhere I applied! Still going to the first school {Carleton} that accepted me, tho. How can you deny a christmas present?)

So I'm going to sit back with the sun and the light breeze drifting down on me, thinking words like sunbleached and lazy, on my back steps and list what I'm nostagling over:


- The Last Unicorn
- Really Rosie
- The Point
- The Wizard Of Oz
- Big Wolf On Campus
- Rugrats
-Boy Meets World
-My Little Pony
- Strawberry Shortcake
-Clueless (the show)
-Carebears' Alice In Wonderland
-Sabrina The Teenage Witch
-Recess
-The Weekenders
-The Little Mermaid
-Powerpuff Girls
- The Zack Files
-Daria (I didn't really get it, but i loved it. I get it now, and I love it even more! We need more smart shows!)
- Student Bodies
-Forties music on sunday evenings
-Books on tape
-Harry Potter Mania
-Jacqueline Wilson books
-Shakespeare Without The Boring Bits
-Babysitter's Club
-Sweet Valley High
-Caroline B. Cooney Books
-Battle Of The Books (Secret Weapon!)
-Chalk drawing on driveways
-Red Popsicles
-Running through the sprinkler
-YTV
- Junie B Jones
- Batman
- Archie Comics
-Spy Vs. Spy
-Those DVDS and C-Roms that came in cereal boxes
-Scholastic Book orders
-Family Dinners
-Running for the Ice Cream Truck- Vanilla Softserve rocks!
- Sun In
-Gummi Bears, Cherry Blasters (inretrospect, dirty....), Fuzzy Peaches, Swedish Fish, Wax Lips, and Pixie Sticks
-Happy Meals
- Those kid's orders at the movie theatre, with a plastic collector drink, little popcorn, and a funsize (although smaller is not funner!) twizzlers in a little cardboard tray
-Juice boxes
-Ketchup Chips
- Peanut Butter
- Jump Rope
-Maze placemats! (still do 'em)
-Cereal box puzzles (ditto.)
-Listening to my Dad shake the house, playing records
- Barbequing
-Stickers on tests and homework
- Old Hollywood Musicals
-Brittany Spears
-The Spice Girls
-Lame Boy Bands (Platium blonde dyed hair, multicolured leather and silver jewelry.... possibly homosexual...must remember to investigate further)
-The Hit List
- Slam Books
-Plastic Bracelets
-Pigtails
-Jelly Sandals
-YA Fiction
-Claire's
-Dial Up Internet (You've Got Mail!)
-Candy necklaces
- Modelling for Oakville Place (before it went all snobbish)
-Clip on earrings
-Never wearing a watch, unless it was filled with candy
-Big tee shirts and leggings
-Dodgeball
- Hello Kitty
-Scooby Doo
-Pepper Ann
-Barbies
-Bowling birthday parties
-Parties in the Mcdonald's party room with their yellow frosted cake
-Pin the tail on the donkey
- Balloon Volleyball
-Recess! (on the Mother Teresa Dustbowl!)
-Elwy Yost on TVO's Saturday Night At The Movies
- Jungle Gyms
- Trick Or Treating
-Moving to three different schools, because of district boundaries, living in the same place
-Scooters (mine was electric blue), and rollerblades (mine were ruby red)

Ahhhhh.....Nineties kids. Good times. You know, I'm so glad I was a kid when I was. I mean, there was so much variety and creativity with children's things. Now they just slap a picture of Hannah Montana, High School Musical or The Joncas Brothers on something and kids slobber all over it. There's no variety to it anymore. If you really wanted to, you could have everything Hannah Montana, including wall paint, garbage can and plates.

It's sad really...

Like they're trying to stamp out orginal thought. I hate all this Disney Chanel brainwashing.

I really miss Daria. She was so witty and amazinglying cynical and proud of it. She never apologized for being who she was and refused to confrom. She was just so awesome, and up on all her pop culture references, and a writer, like me.


I'm loving her grad speech:
"Um... thank you. I'm not much for public speaking, or much for speaking, or, come to think of it, much for the public. And I'm not very good at lying. So let me just say that, in my experience, high school sucks. If I had to do it all over again, I'd have started advanced placement classes in preschool so I could go from eighth grade straight to college. However, given the unalterable fact that high school sucks, I'd like to add that if you're lucky enough to have a good friend and a family that cares, it doesn't have to suck quite as much. Otherwise, my advice is: stand firm for what you believe in, until and unless logic and experience prove you wrong; remember, when the emperor looks naked, the emperor is naked; the truth and a lie are not "sort of the same thing"; and there is no aspect, no facet, no moment of life that can't be improved with pizza. Thank you."
- Daria, 'Is It College Yet?'

So true.
I really wish they would put out season DVDs!

On another unrelated topic, after being throughly annoyed by the robot baby (named after Jacob from Twilight, but I call it babycakes) my friend has to have for parenting class, and brought to work, (although happily not the freakish robot babies from License To Wed) I am more strengthened than ever in my resolve to never have children. I mean everyone else at the meeting wanted to hold the baby and feed it is plastic bootle, and I'm just thinking: Keep that thing away from me!

I swear, I wanted to hit the baby's head againist the wall, it would make it shut up! How do parents ever get anything done? I can barely get anything done as it is!

And i'm not a heartless child hater or anything, I like kids...in small doses. I would be the worst parent ever: erratic, dreamy, impatient and nearly noctural. It'd be like one of those stories of a kid getting raised by a junkie or a feral child with wolves.

In local news, my 'sunshine yellow' laptop escaped the April Fools virus (I had meant to post a piece about april fools day, such as the BBC Spagetti farming hoax, Rick rolls or the Orson Welles War of the Worlds thing, but I was too busy being a child) that was all over the news for the last few days. I was inordinatedly worried because: 1. I`m a natural worrier and 2. I have a habit of downloading random files and applications to get my computer to do things I really don`t understand. But yesterday I got to thinking, lately there`s been a lot of prankish kind of stuff going on what with all the stolen bikes, this april fools virus, the poisoned dogs in parks, and the stories of dead racoons being posed with flowers, (and while I know it isn`t all the same people, if it was....) doesn`t it sound like a lame rip-off of Project Mayhem.

I don`t know...just something to think about.

I was thinking that this virus might just be the last nail in the PC coffin, the worm that launches a thousand Mac orders, but it also it reminds me of my short story from Writer`s Craft a few weeks ago, where a group called the Retrograde Revolution tried to overthrown techology in order to go back in time.

So last night, I celebrated by downloading hours of the likes of The Pixies, The Smiths, The Unicorns, Radiohead, and Tom Waits. 'Cause I'm cool like that, Dah-lings

Oh, and it you ever want to give someone the finger, without getting in trouble with teachers or parents, put your hand flat under your elbow. Now it's sign language for CN tower. Which I am climbing in a few weeks for work. It feels like hell, but it's actually pretty nice after, 'cause you feel all energetic.

-Catcherkins
Your Source For The Sugar Rush Report

Signing off now, Quote on quote.