PRETTY POINTLESS, IF YOU ASK ME.......BUT WHATEVER
" Chaos was what killed the dinosaurs, darling "- J.D., Heathers
"I mean," she said, "that one can't help growing older." "One can't perhaps, "said Humpty Dumpty, "but two can. With proper assistance, you might have left off at seven."
-Lewis Carroll, Through The Looking Glass
"I cannot work in a house where there are alligators. I would have told you this before but I didn't suppose the question would ever come up."
-Dorothy Parker's maid
"This wallpaper and I are fighting a duel to the death. One of us has to go".
-Oscar Wilde's last words
"Faux Poes Foes"
-Kirk, Gilmore Girls
A few lines of the 5 page poem/concussion/late night delusion, I churned out in a trance last night:
GOLDFISH GIRL...
I Am A Goldfish Girl,
I Threw My Wretched Life Away.
In A Fishbowl, I`m On Display.
Naked In A Window Pane For All To See
Who Could Ever Love A Thing Like Me?
The real thing goes on and on about love and comdemnation, and politcal issues. It sucks, but it's just another thing I've tried to write that came out as a picture of me. It's really more vulgar than I thought my writting could be. Maybe I'll put it up here. I have no morals.
So....
a kink in my plans, But I didn't actually get to the store to get any Valentine's candy this year. Sad (wipes tear from eyes)...Well, I'll have extra mini eggs for Easter. Why are all these holidays linked to mass consumerism and teeth rotting and obesity causing goodness? And why is all they candy so good? (I Know That You Want The Candy- The Raveonettes)
In a strange twist of fate, I ended up celebrating Valentines, the day of love, by watching people die. Yay for horror movies!
First Boogeyman 3 (not horrible- some original deaths, a guy with an accent, and totally fake looking blood), then The Messengers (if the house wasn't haunted it'd be so pretty to live in, what with all the sunflowers), and later, The original campy The Hitcher from 1986 (a laugh riot comedy with overacting and mullets! I haven't laughed this hard since the Exorcist!), and the more horror movie 'serious' 2007 remake.
For some reason, the Kid in the 80's version loves saying his full name. I will never forget, What's his name again? (Jim Halsey, Jim Halsey, Jim Halsey).
For sure he'd show up at "Winston's Underage Booze Party"(From Cabin Fever)
There's even a moral to the story- 'always listen to your mother', evidenced as when he's letting the Hitchhiker into his car, he says "My mother told me to never do this." And rebel, that he is, of course he doesn't listen. Speaking of Mothers, remind me never to watch a horror movie with my mom again.The entire time, she's sitting there screaming Shoot Him, even when the bad guy rst appears and he hasn't shown that he's evil yet. Annoying, much?
But seriously, the original version does have something scary, on the remake. The original Hitcher, John Ryder (the bad guy) is fairly unremarkable in appearance (well, except for his piercing blue eyes), he could just be any old drunk guy who leers at you on the street, but is basically considered harmless. Right away, he doesn't seem scary, he seems like somebody you could know. So characteristic of a sociopath.
In the remake, John Ryder is played by one of those actors with an evil/intimidating face. You could just see him and be scared of him. But real life's not like this, the evil guys don't go out with stamps on thier forheads proclaiming their alliances, or intentions. Imagine a sign that said EVIL!
Sadly, we decide that some is good or evil purely based on appearance...It's sad how much we rely on our perceptions. It's cliche, but it's true. We like to judge the book by its cover.
" Interrogation Sergeant: What's your name? Come on. What's your name? Do you have a name? Do you have a police record? Where are you from?
John Ryder: Disneyland."
- 80's Hitcher
Why are people in horror movies so amazingly stupid? They're mostly late teenagers, or early adults, and I have to wonder, how did they ever live this long?
Here's some internet random's list of rules for surviving:
1. When it appears you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead.
2. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
3. Do not go search for something in the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.
4. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not speak, or if they speak to you using a voice which is not their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you the grief in the long run. *NOTE* It will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared.5. When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off or go alone.
6. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
7. Never stand in, on, above, below, beside or anywhere near a grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum or any other house of the dead.
8. If you are searching for something which caused a loud noise and you find out it's just the cat, leave the room immediatey if you value your life.
9. If appliances start operating by themselves, move out. Do not take *anything* from the dead.
10. If you find a town which looks deserted, it's probably for a good reason. Take the hint and stay away.
11. Do not fool around with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you are doing.
12. If you're running away from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
13. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, developing a fascination with blood, glowing eyes, foaming at the mouth and increasing hairiness, get away from them as fast as possible.
14. Stay away from certain geographical locations. Such as: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog, the Bermuda Triangle or any small town in Maine.
15. If your car runs out of gas late at night, do not go to the nearby deserted looking house to call for help. Likewise if your car has broken down, and the only refuge for miles is that creepy old mansion/castle on the hill. Stay in the car.
16. Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, lawnmowers, butane torches, smoldering irons, band saws or any device made from deceased companions.
17. Listen closely to the soundtrack and pay attention to the audience. They are usually far more intelligent than you could ever hope to be. Never listen to music that contains staccato shrieking violins.
18. If you are a woman, never strip and take a shower in slow motion.
19. Do not keep all your sharpened kitchen knives in one of those wooden block thingies on your worksurface.
20. The first woman to either lose or remove her clothing is dead meat. The guy with the testosterone overdose is also dead meat. Along with the guy that is always making jokes
21. When you are searching a house because you think there is something dangerous there, turn on the damn lights!
22. Never back out of one room into another without looking. It's always behind you.
23. If you are traveling with friends, never let any hitch hikers into the van with you. It'll be the worst (if not the last) day of your life.
24. Never babysit.There are enough babysitter-in-danger-thanks-to-a-stupid-killer flicks out there already. If you ARE stupid enough to babysit, never try on the mom's nightgown collection. You'll only end up showing more skin. Remember: Skin=Death.
25. If you are being chased, never lean against the wall when you think you lost him. He'll just pop through and kill you. Same goes for leaning against the window.
26. If you are at your Senior prom, and the school reject has just won prom queen, slowly back away and run for the exit. All hell is about to break loose.
27. SEX=DEATH
28. If you are a stoner among other stoners, be the quiet one or the lovable one. All the other stoners will be killed.
29. If the killer has stalked you over the phone lines, don't take a job as a phone counselor.
30. Never let someone hypnotize you at a party.
31. Stay away from sewers.
32. If you sense something is behind you, don't bother turning around to check. Just run.
33. If you are trying to escape the killer, sliding through the cat door in the electronic garage door will not help you any.
34. After you manage to kill the monster/killer, never sit beside it and cry. It will suddenly pop back up to finish the job.
35. Never go to camp or become a counselor. You'll be dead by the end of summer.
36. Never say "I'll be right back." You won't be back. End of story.
37. Don't ever do something just because someone dares you to.
38. If you ever visit some distant planet and find objects that look like eggs, LEAVE THEM ALONE!!! Then when one of your spaceship's crew members finds a hideous parasite attached to his body (as a result of breaking the previous rule), don't let him back on the ship. When a hideous alien menace is hunting you (as a result of breaking the previous two rules) NEVER wander off alone to hunt for the ship's cat.
39.If someone tells you to do or not to something (example: DON'T fall asleep, DON'T go out there, DON'T go look for the homicidal-chainsaw-wielding psychopath by yourself) by all means, LISTEN TO THEM!!
40. A small town's little summer celebration might sound like fun. But if you hear the locals say things like, "Why you're the guest of honor! We couldn't even have the barbecue with out you!", run like hell.
41. If you are trapped in a house surrounded by demons, making coffee will not help anyone.
42. Always be nice to the shy, quiet, unpopular girl in school.
43. Clowns never have, nor will they ever be helpful to hang around while in a horror movie. As harmless as the might seem, they WILL kill you once you let your guard down.
44. Never go back for anything you lost.
45. Avoid people with pointy teeh. Avoid people with lots of facial hair. Avoid people with pale complexions who sway and moan.
46. If the barber remarks on the "666" tattoo your kid has, abandon the kid and move to Irkutsk.
47. If you see a burly man wearing a hockey mask and toting a chainsaw, DO NOT stick around to see if he's with the Philadelphia Flyers.
48. Never buy your kid a toy that talks back.
49. Remember: Just say "NO" to human blood.
50.Never watch a horror movie while you're in a horror movie.
51.Never, under any circumstance, plan a camping trip that coincides with Friday the 13th.
52. Pigs blood is not now, nor has it ever been funny.
53. If the young girls of the neighborhood start singing songs about boogeymen while jumping rope, consider moving.
54. If you hit a man with a car in the middle of the night and try to roll him off of a dock, make sure that he is dead!
55. Never EVER play with any Ouijia board that you find in the basement of your newly bought, run-down house.
56. Never run into a deserted graveyard at night
57. If you are running away from the killer/monster, don't even try to start the car. It doesn't matter if the car is brand new, it won't start.
58. If running from the monster/killer, try to make the least amount of noise possible. Especially if you are female. Panting, crying and screaming is not going to help you hide any better.
59. For pete's sake...NEVER stick your hand down the garbage disposal. Especially if you just heard strange noises in your house or while sinister music is playing.
60. Don't marry a guy that has Satan Worshippers as friends. They will want you to birth the new Anti-Christ.
61. Never answer the phone when you are babysititng. Just get the hell out of there and leave the kids for dead.
62. If you think you see your girlfriend/boyfriend and they are wearing a mask, not talking, or conspicuously hiding their face, it's not them.
63. Don't be mean to the new kid. They will just end up killing you.
64. If you hear a strange noise coming from upstairs that sounds similar to, oh let's say a severed head falling to the floor, don't go trying to find out what it is.
65. Never touch something that just oozed out of a comet that landed near an abandoned farm house.
66. When battling zombies, always sever their head or shoot them in the brain. If you they still want to eat you after that, just surrender. There's no hope for you anyway.
67. Never wait until you NEED the gun to check and see if it's loaded.
68. If you have to stay out in the woods or at camp you're pretty much screwed. But at least you'll have a fighting chance in the cabin. Never EVER take the tent.
69. Never try to unmask the killer.
70. Never hide in a closet.
71. If you buried your child in a strange place and he came back as a demon, DON'T bury your wife in the same place.
72. If you find the mangled body of a friend, camping partner, janitor, or whom ever, don't stay and investigate. Run like hell.
73. Don't spend a lot of time in houses decorated with an excessive amount of medivel weaponry. It will be used eventually.
74. Do not make a documentary that requires you to hike through the woods while looking for a witch that leaves stick figures hanging in trees.
75. If you are going to the bathroom in a movie theatre and you think you hear a guy and a girl making out in the stall next to you, do not put your ear closer to the wall to listen.
76. If you see a short guy wearing green and wearing a shamrock hat, I wouldn't stick around to ask about his pot of gold.
77. Never transport the killer in an ambulance from one place to another. Even if they've been in a coma for 10 years, they'll wake up.
78. Never listen to strange voices on the telephone. Never say "Who's there?"
79. If your hand has been possesed by the Force of Evil, do NOT chop off your hand. Doing so will merely allow the disembodied hand the freedom to wreak havoc independent of your body. And now you have to spend the rest of the film trying to track it down
80. If you have a feeling you'll end up being chased by zombies during the night, remember to wear comfortable running shoes.
81. After babysitting, don't walk down any deserted streets with lots of trees and bushes, but no lights.
82. Always check the backseat of your car before you get in.
83. When running away from the killer/monster, NEVER run upstairs.
84. If you see someone who is within screaming distance while running from the killer/monster, for the love of god, SCREAM!!
85. If a giant shark is chasing your family, do not go swimming. Actually, stay away from the water, period.
86. If you are babysitting, don't let the kids play with the Chucky doll.
87. If one night you see a dark haired girl carrying around dolls with the eyes scratched out, back away slowly, then run like hell.
88. If you go to your school library and there are a lot of books having to do with vampires and demons...move away ASAP
89. If you are fleeing from a killer or supernatural being and you see a cop car, run right by it. There are three possible ways that things will turn out if you try to get the cops attention and none are good: A. The cop is already dead in some gruesome way that will cause you to scream and alert the killer/monster as to where you are. B. The cop will probably end up dead as he tries to help you, this will only distract the killer away from you for a few seconds, but chances are you will end up getting killed anyway. C. The supernatural being has assumed the form of a cop and just when you think you are safe...he will kill you.
90. If the locals say the camp is haunted, it probably is.
91. If people in your neighborhood have been disapearing and there's talk about a surge of any type of insect...move. Stuborn home owners always die.
92. When and if you fall while running and the killer/monster is near you, don't just sit there screaming like someone will hear you. Get up and RUN!!
93. Kill the Scientist. No matter what else you do, kill him off right away. They always want to study "it," or take "it" back to the corporate masters, or learn from "it" at the expense of comrades lives. Eggheads are always trying to understand the unknown, and get nearly everyone killed doing it. Get a clue, kill the guy with the pocket protector, he's going to sacrifice you anyway.
94. If the killer is after you and you somehow manage to knock him down, don't get up and run for help. Believe me, he will stay down much longer after you kick him a couple times.
95. If the killer/monster is dead, do not dig up his grave to try to do a final resurrection. He will only come back to life.
96. If you disobey the previous rule, don't try cutting off his head or anything cheap. Stick a grenade in his mouth and run for it.
97. If the killer is standing three feet in front of you, don't just stand there and scream while he comes running towards you. It may comes as a shock, but he DOES in fact want to kill you.
98. If you live in Maine and your hometown includes a clown driving a car he calls Christine with a large ,rabid St. Bernard in the backseat, while residing in an old, haunted hotel near a strange Pet Semetary and hangs out with teenage girls with telekenetic powers....you're pretty much screwed.
99. If you DO happen to get killed, make sure it's in a cheap low-budget gore-fest with no plot, so you can come back and kick ass, no explanation needed.
Got it? Ready to try your luck?
My horror movie connaisor friend and I maintain that we would survive any horror movie, because of our fully functioning brains.
But I don't know...
And for no reason: another quote that made me laugh to death
(don't cha love it?)
Two-Face: (resentfully) Poison Ivy.
Poison Ivy: It's been a long time, Harvey. You're still looking... halfway decent.
Two-Face: (glaring) Half of me wants to strangle you.
Poison Ivy: (smiling) And what does the other half want?
Two-Face: To hit you with a truck!
Poison Ivy: (aside to others, referring to Two-Face) We used to date.
Joker & Penguin: (catching her drift) Ahhhh...
- Almost Got 'Em
Thanks for tolerating the madness. I just couldn't resist!
Also doesn't the book cover picture at the top look freaking awesome?
ahhh......Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. I laughed for like half an hour.
The book I was named after, just one-uped itself to suit my tastes. Ha!
It's a matter of time, but I do always win.
Really, so far its been true.
So Here's the book desciption:
" Pride and Prejudice and Zombies features the original text of Jane Austen's beloved novel with all-new scenes of bone-crunching zombie action. As our story opens, a mysterious plague has fallen upon the quiet English village of Meryton—and the dead are returning to life! Feisty heroine Elizabeth Bennet is determined to wipe out the zombie menace, but she's soon distracted by the arrival of the haughty and arrogant Mr. Darcy. What ensues is a delightful comedy of manners with plenty of civilized sparring between the two young lovers—and even more violent sparring on the blood-soaked battlefield as Elizabeth wages war against hordes of flesh-eating undead. Complete with 20 illustrations in the style of C. E. Brock (the original illustrator of Pride and Prejudice), this insanely funny expanded edition will introduce Jane Austen's classic novel to new legions of fans".
I have got to have this! It might just be the ticket to redeeming myself to my name. because, I've been disillusioned as of late.
You know how some people can't stand parodies of things they like, because they take it personally and let it ruin the thing for them, I'm the opposite. A good parody can make me fall in love with something, I'd previously been fairly indifferent about.
Started to read Neil Gaiman's Smoke and Mirrors, a collection of dark and twisted fairy tales. Really why are fairy tales always just the best? Old or young, there's just something about them.
I love how Fairytales are so beauiful and off-kilter.
The glass slippers left on the ball room staircase, well there're mine.
The white rabbit running through the hills, well he's looking for me
Anyway....getting off track a bit, he describes the posession that is writting stories so perfectly, I had to include the quote here: "A few of them were written to amuse myself or, more precisely, to get an idea out of my head and pinned safely on paper; which is as good a reason to write as I know; releasing demons and letting them fly. Some stories began in idleness: fancies and curiosities that got out of hand."
Yes. This is what it is. But somehow, my own words just can't describe it for myself.
Books...like TV...Only more thinking.
We're sorely lacking.
I got a kick out of the Fanboys trailer on my Mac's trailer gallery, which at the end does what I wish every trailer did, it tells us where we know the people from. Featuring: The warehouse guy from The Office, The guy from Tropic Thunder, The guy from Diehard 4, The hot chick from Sin City, and... Captain James T. Kirk.
Ha. That's so cute.
Ahh, Fanboys. They can just be so much fun.
This week, I finally bought an Ugly Doll. I've loved them for years, and I finally decide to buy one. He's soft, big eyed and a pretty blue, and apparently his name is Big Toe. According to the little write-up on his tag, he's a bit of a planner and an eater.
I've got to get more. Ugly may just be the new cute.
Life is just superb at the moment. I'm starting to find english class, pretty boring and pointless, but I found the golden ticket, I made out of a Caramilk wrapper (drawings) when I was bored on a saturday at work. I remember, I made four others for the people sitting around me who had chocolate bars (I love you Halton Regional Building venting machines), but then I would make any more. If there's too many out there, it's not special.
And I'm in a good mood now.
On a bad note, I finally found the copy of Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind, that I owe the library like 5o dollars in fines on. I'll have to take it back and own up to my debt. My room is such a fucking mess, its like a blackhole that sucks everything into a pit of nothingness.Seriously, I buy things, I put them down for one minute and they disapear.
Really, Its the entire house. Here, a triumph is finding that theres actually butter in the butter container, not leftover spagetti.
And really, its getting to be a miracle if i sleep at all, much less before midnight
God, I need some new music! Any ideas? I'm open to pretty much anything, and I'll spread the word. If I like it.
I am so in love with my platform strawish shoes. I do so love my shoes. It' s almost like a complusion or an addiction.
My name is Catcher and I'm a shoe addict.
Now i have an other school week tommorrow, which will seen longer because tommorrow will feel like monday, etc. For the whole week. And then another glorious weekend, baby!
Grad photos on Wednesday. Argh! I hate having photos done. I just can't ever take a good picture, unless I'm taking it of myself. I'm not particularily ugly or anything (I don't think...) but in front of the camera, my face just screws itself up.
It's a very strange, very particular talent I have.
Useless talent # 34- I'm just waiting for it to come in handy.
With Zombies?
My evil sister basically spent the entire weekend picking fights with me. And then we both get blamed, my Dad telling us we both need to own up to our parts, going on with the old sickening addiage, it takes two to tango. It makes me want to tear my hair out! Because it doesn't. Someone can come up to you and for no reason start beating you up, someone can start calling you names, someone can make your living hell life a real living hell, without you lifting a finger.
It doesn't take "two to tango", I've been tangoing fine on my own.
You don't say?
Run Like You Hear The Blue Danube Waltz
Be the hero, never the victim. Just make the jump!
-Catcher
I'm a paper doll.
Dreaming of a Thousand Skies and a Thousand Perfect Suns.
Good Morning Darlings.
Its a Strange New World, Today.
