They Don't Love You Like I Love You...

"We'll never be as young as we are tonight."

"My life may be little and boring, but at least its mine--not some assembly line, secondhanded,hand-me-down life".

"The future you have tomorrow won't be the future you had yesterday."

-RANT, Chuck Palahniuk

"I'll go where secrets are sold

Where roses unfold

I'll sleep as time goes by

So hurting here is where I belong

singing a song

Blood on my hands to stay strong

The flowers in the graveyard are all gone

I don't belong

There is no right to heal the wrong

Soup's on hot feelin' like a do or die

I can't throw up don't think i even want to try"

- Lemon, Katy Rose

"Who am I? Why am I here? What is it that I'm searching for in this strange place, day after day? "

- The Last Unicorn

"Sing me something soft,

Sad and delicate,

Or loud and out of key,

Sing me anything,

we're glad for what we've got,

Done with what we've lost

Our whole lives laid out right in front of us,

Sing like you think no one's listening"

-Existentialism On Prom Night, Straylight Run

"Applause is an addiction, like heroin or checking your e-mail." - Sideshow Mel, The Simpsons

"That looks like it's gotta hurt. Well, I say that like I'm speculating or something. I know it hurts." - Jason Todd, Batman: Under the Hood

"Beauty Walks A Razor's Edge, Someday I'll Make It Mine!"- Shelter From The Storm, Bob Dylan

Its just another day in a strange world, Darlings. Sorry for all the quotes, but I've got a lot of other people's words in my head, and shooting up my veins. But now, I'm buzzed on chocolate, thanks to a giant bag of mini eggs (anyone remember the episode of The Simpsons, where Lisa and Nelson were Sid and Nancy and they subbed in chocolate for heroin)

Pretty boring waste of a day today, My insomnia's been catching up with me lately (yesturday, I fell asleep in Writer's Craft), and today I accidently slept through school.

Yeah...I'm that screwed up.

My Dad's really getting frustrated with all my absenses, and I had a paper due that I was all set to hand-in and may have an issue with now, but whatever.

On the brightside, I got to miss my Last Ash Wednesday. (yesterday on Pancake Tuesday, the served us all pancakes in the Caf. Not bad.)

I'm really happy about this.

I've been going to catholic school all my life, writting essays I don't agree with in religion classes (which I finished forever last semester, yay!), and sitting through school masses, usually daydreaming movie plots, or lusting over my love of the week while I'm pretending to be listening or praying, and I'm so ready to be finished with it. And we don't even have kilts anymore!

My graduation in June, in my mind ends my associations with mass and religion. I really can't see myself going to church again.

And Ash Wednesday, is just so awkward! You have this stupid cross drawn on your forehead in ashes, and it looks and feels ridiculous, and you want to wipe it off right away, but if you do you look like a bad person (and some teachers have gotten the weird idea that I'm really religious. Seriously, I won an award for the entire school for emulating "catholic values") but if you don't you look like an idiot.

When I finally woke up things were better, I made a Pizza, and watched Hot Fuzz with my sister. Not a bad movie, Love how he rides into town with all these guns on a big white horse (Corky?). Also gave me a pretty good idea for a story based on a model of a town.

So pretty good.

Fuck the Skipatron.

But, I was reading Rant today and it got me thinking about the lies that we tell kids. I think another reason why I don't want to have kids is that I don't think I can lie to them, i don't think I could bear spreading all the lies that I grew up believing in, because they broke my heart. I couldn't tell them that the world is perfect and that they'll find their true love someday (sorry but the prince just isn't coming! He got distracted watching Sci-fi movies and writing angsty poems about never having anyone to love, and forgot I was waiting), or pretending that Santa Claus, The Easter Bunny and The Tooth Fairy are real. I'm not a deseiver, and I have too much respect for magic to let it glorify greed, and let every holiday or milestone become about first presents, then candy and then money. Its just too sad to see Kids get disillusioned, where they once opened their eyes and belived awe struck in magic, and that anything was possible, they hold money up on a pedastal as the solution to their problems, their new form of magic, their God.

Don't get me wrong! I love kids, but I don't have the patience to take care of them and my spirit is too full of wanderlust (got this itching in my feet since I was just a little kid) to stay in one stable place or settle into the suburbs, seriously I think Revolutionary Road might just be my horror movie! Any relationship that I'm in, I'll be the child in. I think that's enough. Besides, I'd probably raise them to be insane and morally bankrupt.

Because I do believe in magic. I'd be clapping my hands to save the fairyfolk.

If you think of it, really think of it, we're raised on fantasy movies and stories, which always have one character who everyone hates who refuses to believe in whatever is going on, or is too scientific to belive that magic could actually exist. I mean, we're raised to hate this guy!

Do we really want to grow up to become him/her? Who wants to be jaded and realistic?

Where's the fun in that?

And besides why is it so childish to believe in magic? It must have come from somewhere, and there too much beauty in the world.

Are we really so egotistical that we believe that theres' nothing beyond what we know, that we're the only intelligent species?

It could all be true, but who does if hurt if we let a little magic touch our lives?

My mind was also straying to thoughts of alias. Like Regina Flangey (Phobe Buffay) and Ken Adams (Joey Tribiani), I think everyone should always be really to spout out a fake name with pausing, so it seems natural. I've got mine, Jennie December and (as you all know) Catcher Davis. Also it can't hurt to have memorized and planned out the year your birthday would have to be so you were legal to drink in whatever country you are in, and be ready to recite if asked (stupid kids in Hot Fuzz said they were born in the sixties....right. They're not gawky teenage boys, they're clearly in their forties).

Also, in case you ever find yourself poor, or let yourself live the Bohemian life you've always dreamt of , its important to keep a hand in petty theft, It's always a good idea to follow advice from Holly Golightly! Packets of sugar, or utensils from resturants, cool glasses (next time I'm in A and W, somebody please remind me to remember to take one of their really cool mugs), or sneaking into a second movie on one ticket (my dad's little act of rebellion)

I'm wondering how easy it would be to walk out of the bowling alley with bowling shoes on?

Anyone know?

It keeps you real in a plastic world, steepted in a little excitment and danger.

I'm wondering about the Ugly Duckling....After being ugly, awkward and alone, no matter how beatiful you eventually become, I don't think you can ever really be happy.

I think the Duckling would still feel self conscious and wonder if everyone around them was secretly laughing at them. That' something that says with you, something you can never really get over, as much as you stare at your face or pose in the mirror in little outfits and heels and try to feel good.

I wonder if the Duckling ever got comfortable in their own skin?

Got to go. Just saw that there's new JxHQ fanfics up.

Wish me luck in getting up tommorrow!

- If she's called Catcher,

Will you please just come and catch her?

...Waiting