Cathartic Letter To My Bitch Roomate

THE LIGHT:
It broke when you were here, you were the first one to aware of it, and you left first that morning (and must have had to go past the res. Desk where you could have easily have reported it), a morning where I was not only sick and coughing, but feeling totally faint and disoriented. I did not get it fixed that weekend because I was sick and miserable and just wanted to curl up and die, not have to worry about having people in the room fixing it, etc. Also I didn’t feel like doing it after you ORDERED me to! You were here for the entire week after that, as well as back earlier than me after this weekend, there is NO REASON why you couldn’t have gotten it fixed. Just because you ORDERED me in your last note to fix it, does not make it my responsibility or mean that you don’t have to do it and can leave it for me. Also, why in the world do you think your homework and midterms matter more than mine? I have exams and classes just like you do, yours are NOT more important !

COUGHING:
I am so SORRY that my being sick last week and practically coughing my lungs up and my throat raw bothered you and kept you up. Its not like I could help it, and I did do what you suggested in coughing into a pillow, but I’m sorry, its just another unpleasant part of sharing a room with someone, complaining, being sarcastic or acting like you are the only one suffering does not help. And no, when I am sick and feeling like I am dying, I do not need to hear that you get vitamin C, from you in your most condescending voice

THE MESS:
I have never seen a single bug in the room, but there are bugs everywhere, get used to living in the world. MY side of the room is MY own concern. I have not messed up yours, put anything on your side or asked you to clean it for me. You are NOT my mother and do not have the right to act like you are. I really don’t care about the vacuuming. It really does not matter and there is no ultra pressing reason to do it. Feel free to do only your side, even if mine reached your standards of cleanliness and you weren’t just spending all your time griping over everything. It really is the thing I am least concerned about right now, as I like you, have midterms exams, essays and homework that are all JUST as important as yours.

SHARED ROOM, NOT ONLY YOURS:
You have to get used to the idea that this is a SHARED room, that is EQUALLY ours, not you room that I am renting a bed in or something. I will get up when I want, I will leave when I want, I will follow my own schedule, you do not have the right to give me what must be your trademark condescending look and make me feel bad for waking up when I want to wake up. I keep the light on late and stay on the computer late, because you expressly told me that it was fine and did not bother you, if it does, I will stop, you don’t need to be all twofaced and get mad about it. Also, I have made an effort, even when it is difficult to use headphones, so I do not bother you when you are working. Please extend the same courtesy. I have made every conceivable effort to be nice to you, offering you chips or coke, or the use of my fridge, etc. , invited you if I was going to eat or to a meeting or event, but you have not cared to be nice to me (the one shocking examples was when you let me have one of your water bottles). I had really hoped that we could be friends or at least get along, but you just don’t seem to care or put in any sort of effort. So maybe you have noticed, I have given up on you.

Please get over yourself.

Fear and loathing,
- Liz

P.S. And pull your pants up when you are sitting down, I do not want to see your ass.