I'm bored, and I can't sleep.
What a commonly occuring circumstance for me (unfortunatedly not a Crazy Random Happinstance!) (someone I know seriously asked me if I was a Vampire once...but they were, how you say, 'special?'). Ironic considering, I'm the girl who got so freaked out by a combination of the Dracula audiobook playing in the car and the barrel ride at Center island (GASP! People with devil horns jump out at you....scary, but I was like three or five, who can keep track, and this traumatized me sooooo bad. I'm only now getting the courage to go back in haunted houses) that I need to sleep with a cross around my neck and a string of garlic bulbs over my double locked window. Now I'm not even scared in a horror movie (still scream bloody murder when the toast pops up in the toaster, or anyone enters a room without annoucing themselves, tho.)
I wrote this the other day, the direct result of diet coke overdose (Heroic Regina Morrow, pretty much scared me away from 'harder' stuff), listening to too much Veruca Salt and My Bloody Valentine, and trying to watch The Wizard of Oz which thanks to Gregory Maguire's mindraping of my childhood (and I do love Wicked, I pretty much fell for Fiyero) only makes me want to protest that the Witch was understood, and the Wizard is evil. This is pretty much the exact same thing I did when I was like eight and read Ella Enchanted (which was my favourite book for a long time), and proceeded to add in details when we watched Cinderella, and develop an unatural anger at the fairy godmother (by the way...when does mine come in the mail?)
Also, It got a bit of Invisible Monsters, too, what with the whole I love you, must destroy you, mah ha haa ha, thing.
There's lots of swearing and thinly veiled references to sex.
There's lots of swearing and thinly veiled references to sex.
Enjoy????
(I have issues...Just so you know)
Please don't kill me!
Not sure what I think. I don't think anything that I could say at this moment could validate this poem (and I use the term loosely, it's really more of a muddled rant with imagery and allusions-the stuff I'm getting bored to tears with in English class), or my own thought.
I really sound like a frustrated, desperate person who needs to get some meds pronto, but how how can I help it! He's so close, yet so far.
I just wanna scream.
I actually would, but I'd wake everyone up, so lets just pretend.
Our little secret.
LOVELESS
I Settle Down In Bed,
In My Underwear And Ruby Slippers.
So Far From Home.
Off The Yellow Brick Road
I Read Linear Notes, Passed From Cherry Mouths That Kissed You
....Once.
That Drank Everything With Vigour And Vinegar, Devoured And Sucked.
That Blew Pink Bubbles All Down My Spine.
I Pity The Little Goldfish Girls Who Pray For Pills,
Who Don`t Yet Know What This Weak Prayer Means.
Who Stumble Streets In Boyfriend Shirts And Gamble Smack For Salt Bred Angels.
Too Busy Dreaming To Live
I Run Screaming For Joy, For Life.
I Run Barefoot, Falling Over My Heels.
Melting Passion In The Acid Rain.
It Pours, I Liquefy, My Pain Refreshed, My Nagging Thirst Quenched.
But Your Face Still Makes Me Clench,
Want To Throw Myself On The Railroad Tracks.
Take a Sad Train Home.
For The Last Time.
You Wake Me Up, When I Thought Impossible.
I Acid Trip To The Top Of The Ladder, Spear My Tongue Over Your Rainbow.
You Stab Me,
You Urge Me On.
Running With Cherry Stains.
You Break My Heart.
You Break Me.
I`m Just A Picture In Your Locket, A Tune In Your Music Box, A Notch In Your Bedpost
Conquest
I Am Just A Goldfish Girl,
I Threw My Wretched Life Away.
In A Fishbowl, I`m On Display.
Naked In A Window Pane For All To See
My Life Took Its Own Strange Path While I Slept,
While I Dealt For The Devil,
Watched For The Dogs.
I Threw Back My Wicked Laugh, Reserved For Your Sins,
My Fucking Habit.
My Fucking Drug,
My Addiction.
You Give The Worst, You Get The Worst.
And That`s Me.
My Blood Saga,
Blown-Out Brains,
Read Between The Lines,
Play The Lullaby Backwards,
Its All There.
I`m Etched In The Liner Notes,
I`m The Footnote There, The Bottom Page Casualty.
How Did You Ever Fall In Love With Me?
We Don`t Deserve To Live.
No One Left Here Does.
We`re All Of Us, Especially Me, Whores and Thieves.
Stripper Saints.
Angel Assassins.
When You Owned Me, We Thought The Future Was Our Gift,
We Would Inherit, A Promise Of Love Utopic Beauty.
Today I`m Falling Asleep
Rolling Into The Fireplace.
Scared, Scarred.
Burned By Acid Words.
The Future Is A Threat, It Promises To Kill Me.
I Wish It`d Come Faster.
I Come Fastest.
The Newspapers Scream The End Of The World.
Again. ...
When Haven`t We Dreamt Of Our Own Deaths.
Is It Really What We Want To Think Of As We Lay Here,
In Pools Of Our Own Blood.
I`ll Send You A Postcard From Space,
From Privilege, From Privacy.
I`ll Drop Myself And A Feather Out A Window And See How Fast We Fall.
Send Postcards From The Future To People I`ve Never Met,
And Pretend I Don`t Care That You Love Her, Not Me.
That You Tell Her What I Told You, That You Laugh At This Feigned Insanity.
Beauty Is A Razor`s Edge
I`m Only Puncturing My Veins.
Don`t Worry.
Just To See If I`m Still Human,
If I Still Bleed.
So I`ll Watch You.
Watch You Fall In Love With My Fake Friends,
Drug Your Sniped Drinks.
Begrudge You A Glance.
I Eat My Eyes, Write With My Nails, Bite My Own Baby Teeth.
Served On A Silver Platter,
Born With A Silver Spoon.
I Love You,
So Much It Kills Me.
I Fuck With The Rolling Stars.
Abuse Myself In Secret Rooms
With The Ghost Of You
I Love You So Much, I Need To Destroy You.
I`ll Never Be Loved Again.
They Don`t Fall For The Fucked Ones,
The Self-Styled Crazy Girls, Who Starve Themselves Thin,
Who Wish For Eyes To See Themselves.
Who Wish Somebody Did.
Who Feel Raw, Empty, Devoid Of Lust
....Once.
That Drank Everything With Vigour And Vinegar, Devoured And Sucked.
That Blew Pink Bubbles All Down My Spine.
I Pity The Little Goldfish Girls Who Pray For Pills,
Who Don`t Yet Know What This Weak Prayer Means.
Who Stumble Streets In Boyfriend Shirts And Gamble Smack For Salt Bred Angels.
Too Busy Dreaming To Live
I Run Screaming For Joy, For Life.
I Run Barefoot, Falling Over My Heels.
Melting Passion In The Acid Rain.
It Pours, I Liquefy, My Pain Refreshed, My Nagging Thirst Quenched.
But Your Face Still Makes Me Clench,
Want To Throw Myself On The Railroad Tracks.
Take a Sad Train Home.
For The Last Time.
You Wake Me Up, When I Thought Impossible.
I Acid Trip To The Top Of The Ladder, Spear My Tongue Over Your Rainbow.
You Stab Me,
You Urge Me On.
Running With Cherry Stains.
You Break My Heart.
You Break Me.
I`m Just A Picture In Your Locket, A Tune In Your Music Box, A Notch In Your Bedpost
Conquest
I Am Just A Goldfish Girl,
I Threw My Wretched Life Away.
In A Fishbowl, I`m On Display.
Naked In A Window Pane For All To See
My Life Took Its Own Strange Path While I Slept,
While I Dealt For The Devil,
Watched For The Dogs.
I Threw Back My Wicked Laugh, Reserved For Your Sins,
My Fucking Habit.
My Fucking Drug,
My Addiction.
You Give The Worst, You Get The Worst.
And That`s Me.
My Blood Saga,
Blown-Out Brains,
Read Between The Lines,
Play The Lullaby Backwards,
Its All There.
I`m Etched In The Liner Notes,
I`m The Footnote There, The Bottom Page Casualty.
How Did You Ever Fall In Love With Me?
We Don`t Deserve To Live.
No One Left Here Does.
We`re All Of Us, Especially Me, Whores and Thieves.
Stripper Saints.
Angel Assassins.
When You Owned Me, We Thought The Future Was Our Gift,
We Would Inherit, A Promise Of Love Utopic Beauty.
Today I`m Falling Asleep
Rolling Into The Fireplace.
Scared, Scarred.
Burned By Acid Words.
The Future Is A Threat, It Promises To Kill Me.
I Wish It`d Come Faster.
I Come Fastest.
The Newspapers Scream The End Of The World.
Again. ...
When Haven`t We Dreamt Of Our Own Deaths.
Is It Really What We Want To Think Of As We Lay Here,
In Pools Of Our Own Blood.
I`ll Send You A Postcard From Space,
From Privilege, From Privacy.
I`ll Drop Myself And A Feather Out A Window And See How Fast We Fall.
Send Postcards From The Future To People I`ve Never Met,
And Pretend I Don`t Care That You Love Her, Not Me.
That You Tell Her What I Told You, That You Laugh At This Feigned Insanity.
Beauty Is A Razor`s Edge
I`m Only Puncturing My Veins.
Don`t Worry.
Just To See If I`m Still Human,
If I Still Bleed.
So I`ll Watch You.
Watch You Fall In Love With My Fake Friends,
Drug Your Sniped Drinks.
Begrudge You A Glance.
I Eat My Eyes, Write With My Nails, Bite My Own Baby Teeth.
Served On A Silver Platter,
Born With A Silver Spoon.
I Love You,
So Much It Kills Me.
I Fuck With The Rolling Stars.
Abuse Myself In Secret Rooms
With The Ghost Of You
I Love You So Much, I Need To Destroy You.
I`ll Never Be Loved Again.
They Don`t Fall For The Fucked Ones,
The Self-Styled Crazy Girls, Who Starve Themselves Thin,
Who Wish For Eyes To See Themselves.
Who Wish Somebody Did.
Who Feel Raw, Empty, Devoid Of Lust
Wait On The Staircase To Heaven And Pant Like Dogs.
I`m A Creative Killer, I Don`t Leave A Mark.
I Take Mind And Soul, And Leave The Body A Living Shell.
Guts And Blood.
Proving That You`re Human.
I`m A Monster.
Inject Myself, For A Final Rush.
Can We Do This Later?
Kill This Sweet, Sweet Lust.
Smack Me.
Bite Me.
Cut Me.
Do Whatever You Need.
Just Love Me.
Tolerate Me,
Let Me Be Yours.
That`s All I Want, All I Need.
A Cure.
We`re All Out On The Parched Roads,
With Thumbs And Tits And Dicks Whipped Out,
Looking For A Pick Up.
Someone To Take Us.
Love Us.
Be Whoever They Want.
Catch A Penny Falling From The Empire State Building, Splitting Your Skull
Catch An Eggplant From My Window, Painting The Roads In Plush
Catch A Star In Flight, A Reject Of Heaven`s Laws
Catch My Prone Body, Sleep Walking In Dreams Of Flight.
We`ll Be Horrified,
To Live Together.
But We`ll Both Live.
Live, To See What New Threat The Future Holds.
What We'll Worry About When This Worst Is Over.
Fear When We`ve Destroyed Ourselves
When We Kiss With The Lips We Don't Have, And Fuck With The Parts The Blast Blew Off.
Oh Baby, We've Really Screwed Up This Time.
Hardened Now, You`re Never Hard.
But I Lose The Game.
I`m Loveless Now, And There's No Going Back.
No Reset Button,
No Back To Start.
Fire In The Archives,
Burning The Part Of Me Which Still Knows How To Love.
I Still Love You.
But I`ve Destroyed You ,
And The Bloody Pieces Don`t Fit Back Together.
I`ll Leave Them For God To Find.
I`ll Worry About Judgement Day If It Ever Comes.
At Last.
For Now I`ll Follow Faust.
I`ll Be The New Fucking Deal!
Abort Another Mission,
A Might Have Been.
Another Murdered Child,
They Tell Us From Mystic Heights
Whatever.
The Kids Shouldn`t See This
This World
Humanity On The Evening News
Midday Scandal`s All We Live For
Headlines,
Not Love
Not Peace
Just News.
Cover Their Bleeding Eyes
We`re All Dying
I`m Faster
Colouring The Musical Air
Come On Over,
Break Me It Two
I Won`t Feel A Thing,
I`m Dead
My Face Is Gone.
My Lips Are Missing,
My Heart is Eaten,
And You`re Gone Forever.
But Still I Love.
I`m A Fucking Head case.
Please Love Me!
I`m Destroying Myself In Shotgun Blasts
I`m A Creative Killer, I Don`t Leave A Mark.
I Take Mind And Soul, And Leave The Body A Living Shell.
Guts And Blood.
Proving That You`re Human.
I`m A Monster.
Inject Myself, For A Final Rush.
Can We Do This Later?
Kill This Sweet, Sweet Lust.
Smack Me.
Bite Me.
Cut Me.
Do Whatever You Need.
Just Love Me.
Tolerate Me,
Let Me Be Yours.
That`s All I Want, All I Need.
A Cure.
We`re All Out On The Parched Roads,
With Thumbs And Tits And Dicks Whipped Out,
Looking For A Pick Up.
Someone To Take Us.
Love Us.
Be Whoever They Want.
Catch A Penny Falling From The Empire State Building, Splitting Your Skull
Catch An Eggplant From My Window, Painting The Roads In Plush
Catch A Star In Flight, A Reject Of Heaven`s Laws
Catch My Prone Body, Sleep Walking In Dreams Of Flight.
We`ll Be Horrified,
To Live Together.
But We`ll Both Live.
Live, To See What New Threat The Future Holds.
What We'll Worry About When This Worst Is Over.
Fear When We`ve Destroyed Ourselves
When We Kiss With The Lips We Don't Have, And Fuck With The Parts The Blast Blew Off.
Oh Baby, We've Really Screwed Up This Time.
Hardened Now, You`re Never Hard.
But I Lose The Game.
I`m Loveless Now, And There's No Going Back.
No Reset Button,
No Back To Start.
Fire In The Archives,
Burning The Part Of Me Which Still Knows How To Love.
I Still Love You.
But I`ve Destroyed You ,
And The Bloody Pieces Don`t Fit Back Together.
I`ll Leave Them For God To Find.
I`ll Worry About Judgement Day If It Ever Comes.
At Last.
For Now I`ll Follow Faust.
I`ll Be The New Fucking Deal!
Abort Another Mission,
A Might Have Been.
Another Murdered Child,
They Tell Us From Mystic Heights
Whatever.
The Kids Shouldn`t See This
This World
Humanity On The Evening News
Midday Scandal`s All We Live For
Headlines,
Not Love
Not Peace
Just News.
Cover Their Bleeding Eyes
We`re All Dying
I`m Faster
Colouring The Musical Air
Come On Over,
Break Me It Two
I Won`t Feel A Thing,
I`m Dead
My Face Is Gone.
My Lips Are Missing,
My Heart is Eaten,
And You`re Gone Forever.
But Still I Love.
I`m A Fucking Head case.
Please Love Me!
I`m Destroying Myself In Shotgun Blasts
Bing Bang Boom....
In my own defense, alot of this is metaphorical, I didn't mean to, but I ended up criticizing our (basically everyone, myself included-and held up as a postergirl of patheticness)'s despreate nature where we're all so desperate for love we're willing to change what makes us unique, the people that we are (and are happy to be), for someone's ideal, to be thier fantasy. We're willing to go through hell, go through any sort of pain for love, to finally find a person and place where we belong. (AKA Name Holly Golightly's Cat)
Make sense?
No?
Really? (I think you're swell Sally May! You're My Hero, Billy. Really and Truly?)
Ok...a little is better than nothing
The word you're looking for is.....anyway.
And a perfectly executed Zoe Trope quote:
"No one cares. Apathy is a disease and some days I long for it.”
-Please Don't Kill The Freshmen
I care too much. It's such a weakness to need to please.
But it's also a strength. (Ha. Just reading this it sounds like one of the scripted Pageant/Job interview [or at least Micheal Scott or Jake Morgandorffer said something close] answers:
-My biggest weakness is that I care too much and can get too invested in my work.
-And your strengths?
-My weakness is actually my strength.
Loves,
-Catch
A Falling Star.
