Such A Pretty Little Girl...

Previously, I've agonized over whether or not I am a good writer, whether or not people will consider me a good writer, but really, all that really does matter in whether I consider myself a writer at all...And I do. I'm still young, inexperienced to much of the world, but there's no denying that I have a voice. Not profound, gonzo voice of a generation, by any stretch of the imagination, but its something. The writing I admire, the writing that inspires me to create my own, fill pages with thoughts beautiful and ugly and above all mine, came out of living, meeting people seeing new things, and experimenting in all senses of the word, and I wonder if I'll ever get my chance, and I wonder.... if I get it, will I take it?

I keep saying, reassuring myself that my real life will begin when I get out here, get onto the boat, but that's what I say about everything, and anything. I say things will
And even now, I look around and see that everyone around me is living, living now.
Am I dead?

No..I'm the living Dead, I'm the life in death. I remind myself of grade eleven english class, these days:

" Her lips were red,
her looks were free,
Her locks were yellow as gold :
Her skin was as white as leprosy,
The Night-mare Life-In-Death was she,
Who thicks man's blood with cold."

- Rime of The Ancient Mariner

Writer's Craft, I can already tell, may redemn me to myself. The all to familar magic of putting a pen to the blank expanse of page, and filling it with myself, painting in with my heart, and watching something so plain, so full of possibility, became my own. Friday Free Writing, crafting a story from a photograph sent me through a story of quiet desperation, of unlived lives, that took on a life of its own, ending up with a business man throwing his desk chair out the office window and stealing a convertible.
Why?
Because I made him my own personal Pete Best.

And I remembered, how much writing, can be a journey, letting you see and create new worlds and new people. I go into a trance, where I'm no longer me, and not a character ever, I slip out of my skin, out of my mind, and cease to be. When I'm no one, I can see the others.
I lose track of time, or rather, time stop existing, and suddenly my clock goes off, and I realize I've written through yet another night.
Been a slave to words.

Suddenly I just want to write. Be daisy chained to my (handy dandy) notebook.
Wake me up when the summer starts....I'd set my alarm, but it's not the most reliable.

But all it really takes to set me off, even when I'm reading, make me stare at a page until it becomes meaningless, reading it over and over again, is a pretty word.

I'm obsessed, collecting words like my father and his boxes of Batman comics, or my sister and her TNA sweaters, or my mother and her Vogues.
We all have things we want to own everything of, and I want pretty words.
Or I want them to own me.
Doesn't matter.

Doesn't matter want they mean, where they came from, what they're connected to, just that they sound rich and decadent and paint pictures in the air, tapestries behind my itching eyelids.

Sometimes, a new one rushes over me and I need to scribble it down. No matter what I'm doing, it hammered at my skull not letting me find peace until I commit to the paper. Ideas find me this way too, and sometimes it's like torture.
Sometimes I wish for Writer's Block.

But I've read to much, seen to many movies, and TV shows, to make the wish in waking hours.
We always seem punished by wishes, burned by desires.
They turn on us, casting shadows of regret. But it doesn't stop the wishing.
Maybe one day, I'll yearn for the time when the stories, the words wouldn't leave me alone.
Or for better ideas.

PRETTY (such a simple, overused word, but it's the right word):

She Let Her Downfall In The Front Door

Poetry, Captivating, Mischief, Wicked, Stained, Illusions, Deceptions, Mirages, Mystical, Lotion, Cresendo, Sexual, Glint, Illcit, Illustrious, Deceit, Deficit, Otherworldly, Blood, Silk, Venom, Flash, Journey, Baby Doll, Music Box, Unicorn, Ingenue, Bleach, Sunstroke, Caress, Air, Kissed, Dark, Rosebud, Promise, Glimmer, Patent, Ash, Debutant, Ostrich, Quicksilver, Petal, Collapse, Cold, Moonlight, Lover, Turmoil, Romanticism, Ballet, Ambrosia, Fin De Siecle, Winter, Legend, Carving, Glide, Bygone, Century, Starfires, Flame, Rosary, Tattoo, Astronomy, Once, Lilting, Still, Cape, Coupe D'etat, Alchemy, Faded, Fly, Mortality, Liquid, Sunshine, Dance, Birkin, View, Snow, Strange, Kitten, Bouffant, Magic Marker, Flight, Silence, Bohemia, Doorway, Nom De Plume, Madness, Memory, Ribbon, Butterfly, Fluidity, Picturesque, Quiver, Perfumery, Avalon, Travelogue, Venue, Truth, Whimsy, En Vin Veritas, Echo, Pinnacle, Serenity, Serendipity, Betrothal, Frozen, Lock, Lush, Ceremony, Minuet, Waltz, Paint, Pain, Verity, Blending, Death, Documentary, Devoted, Secret, Spinning, Shell, Satchel, Wanderlust, Mace, Lost, Scribbling, Renaissance, Velvet, Midnight, Opaque, Onyx, Nylons, Reflex, Sickly, Sweet, Vampirism, Transformation, Impale, Sustain, Marble, Raven, Ravish, Foe, Cul-de-sac, Glamourous, Airplane, Whet, Lips, Cure, Sight, Temptation, Famished, Ravenous, Buckle, Tender, Opera House, Lullaby, Underside, Breathtaking, Cliffside, Danger, Thirst, Wheat, Libretto, Backstage, Paranoia, Devour, Teeth, Love, Saga, Synopsis, Hereafter, String, Ageless, Eternal, Youth, Immortality, Windblown, Grand Piano, Culture, Decollete, Paperwhite, Roman Candles, Mill, Floss, Mad, Teacup, Oppulence, Explosion, Reaction, Orange Crush, Riveting, Moon, Dance, Golden, Chaos, Climax, Dawn, Tension, Garnet, Lust, Luscious, Baguette, Affair, Touch, Wild, Autumn, Silver, Slumber, Personal, Raw, Paradise, Vulture, Garter, Kneesocks, Wilderness, Lock, Heart, Gentle, Eternal, Ethereal, Celestial, Stille, Crystalline, Marseilles, Duet, Free, Epic, Wind, Whisper, Willow, Musical, Defunct, Deja Vu, Jewel, Tower, Imitation, Stronghold, Demon, Picket, Chew, Fluff, Strong, Arms,Home, Darkness, Risk, Cliff Diving, Sepia, Delusional, Engagement, Prey, Pawn, Palm Frond, Listen, Maestro, Masterpiece, Locket, Elyria, Fairborn, Starry Night, Run, Purity, Cry, Bitter, Tears, Fate, Eyeliner, Sweet, Enchantment, Courage, Regal, Harp, Contraire, Patterns, Familiarity, Heartbeat, Breathe, Brushed, Candy, Blush, Deficient, Victoriana, Nightgown, Chess, Spoils, Haze, Gauze, Gossamer, Music, Fiery, Butterfly, Playground, Innocence, Doe Eyes, Kingdom, Ocean, Seedy, Haughty, Fallen Aristocrat, Breeze, Bandit, Pearl, Diamond Guitar, Rise, Edgy, Chronicle, Pale, Imitation, Fairtale, Rider, Babble, Inert, Plaster, Light Bulb, White Cotton, Cartoon, Purgatory, Avant-garde, Tire Swing, Straw, Majesty, Wait, Lux, Yellowed, Exorcism, Iconoclast, Harpsichord, Gold, Crown, Soda-Pop, Letters, Barrier, Cookie Dough, Rooted, Ancestry, Opal, Amethyst, Mania, Thunder, Headphone, Plum, Echo, Album, Record, Why, Drug, Skull, Bullet, Shiver, Hedonistic, Heathen, Snow White, Beauty, Blossom, Excess, Wonderment, Cell, Constrict, Recruit, Tuberose, Interrogate, Abstract, Impressionism, Papier Mache, Courtesy, Hypnotic, Miscopic, Misantropic, Chemical, Wax Sealed, Bound, Ride, Present, Gripping, Icy, Lacy, Kidskin Gloves, Frosting, Melody, Lace, Temporary, Flimsy, Shroud, Feminism, Underpinnings, Decoder Ring, Hatbox, Lightening, Paper Doll, Mannequin, Pursue, Cityscape, Song, Vinyl, Nunnery, Pretty, Fanatical, Sugar, Prognosis, Sequined, Beret, Bell, Radiate, Gemstone, Bird, Liberate, Lily-Of -The -Valley, Art House Film, Emerging, Forefront, Cusp, Liberine, Victrola, Lampshade, Existential, Skullduggery, Pursuit, Tuxedo, Creamery, Plush, Plummage, Sugar Rush, Tree, Film Strip, Ode, Genetics, Cupid Knife, Honey, Nomadic, Pirate, Rainbow, Catalyst, Dizzying, Eclipse, Calvary, Intellectual, Karma, Cerise, Photo Essay, Maven, Oxygen, Canaries, Shadow, Boxer, Belle Epoque, Peripheral, Voice, Hunting, Crave, Rent Party, Promise, Plunder, Lass, Camera, Sushi, Castaway, Downright, Fleeting, Curtesy, Pitard, Hubris, Debate, Waist, Lies, Cutout, Clipping, Daisy Chain, Forgotten, Bottle, Eclectic, Wink, Original, Clouded, Sky Writer, Infectious, Acid, Tongue, Diseased, History, Ancients, Aristocratic, Diving, Symphony, Soft-Focus, Caramel, Eccentric, Sympathy, Tender, Free-Fall, Abyss, Brocade, Roller Skates, Finery, Cassius, Pleasure, Assassin, Freedom, Masquerade, Art, Antiquity, Felony, Harlequin, Laughter, Legal, Submission, Baroque, Wept, Fiance, Revolution, Camera, Ticklish, Feather, Wonderland, Chortle, Mimsy,Viral, Statue, Looking Glass, Vibrations, Provocative, Vaccine, Animal, Magnet, Voyage, Voyeur, Martini, Covet, Society, Starlight, Come, Hither, Garret, Attic, Midnight, Catharsis, Tingle, Childhood, Numbness, Spirit, Coffret, Philosophy, Cemetary, Daydream, Desire, Suspense, Mystery, Atmosphere, Dandelions, Scarlet, Yellowed, Flirt, Fan Girl, Rebellion, Hawk, Bauble, Bangle, Skin, Breakfast, Phantom, Parties, Rival, Cinema, Marquee, Glass, Shield, Ribbon, Suicide, Parisian, Delicate, Dauphine, Sensual, Crimson, Cautionary, Candid, Riddled, Timeless, Loveless, Synonymous, Addict, Feather, Fable, Trial By Fire, Convertible, Backroads, Babylon, Strike, Stream, Strewn, Tiara, Love Drug, Ecstasy, Euphoria, Muse, Cri Du Chat, Caged Bird, Pleasure, Delicacy, Socialite, Angel, Power Play, Surge, Fireworks, Reaction, Electricity, Electrocute, Potion, Cauldron, Crescendo, Climax, Meaning, Confessional, Whimsy, Lark, Lips, Fragile, Scandal, Wings, Sugar, Blending, Bridegroom, Grisette, Watercolour, Guilt, Tradgedy, Vintage, Diamond Necklace Affair, Taste, Silhouette,Chandelier, Mosaic, Faze, Lolita, Coquette, Admirer, Chorus, Adonis, Heath, Palate, Chocolate, Bon Vivant, Underground, Champagne, Flute, Symphony, Pirate, Bittersweet, Leather, Stage, Decadent, Heat, Flower, Sprinkle, Elm, Sparkler, Breath, Endearing, Whimsical, Captivating, Twinkle, Derelict, Ghost, Impermance, Asphixiate, Cityscape, Dardanelles, Passion, Bewildered, Foxglove, Powder Puff, Night, Icing, Floating, Lipstick, Light, Swan, Heroine, Metallic, New Wave, Mixtape, Fielding, Stilettos, Globe, Shot, Opera Glasses, Revolutionaires, Banner, Phantasmagorical, Mountain, Oceania, Bouquet, Antique, Pride, Irk, Roller Coaster, Invitation, Carnival, Candy Cane, Bloodlust, Corduroy, Satin, Flesh, Tea Party, Charm, Cache, Powder Keg, Dust, Flour, Skin, Collegiate, Laughter, Cobwebs, Flutter, Woven, Nightingale, Tapestry, Strangle, Pearls, Dilitant, Wayward, Ticket, Box Office, Juice Box, Hopscotch, Skip, Imagine, Candy Coloured, Bright, Perfume, Intensity, Cherries, Florescent, Unique, Defy, Unbound, Lasting, Fantasy, Sketch, Beauty, Obsession, Inharmonic, Infamy, Naivete, Rhyme, Rhythm, Spasm, Bomber, Soprano, Fulfillment, Fingers, Sin, Awakening, Spring, Mandrake, Ache, Static, Prosperity, Hunger, Crime, Rogue, Tainted, Torn, Ending, Torn, Telephone, Dreamer, Arrested, Flare, Monumental, Plush, Moment, Harvest, Vast, Trickery, Bow Tie, Dice, Vienna, Sunset, Visage, Skies, Stretch, Ghost Writer, Footprints, Phantasm, Cardic, Tonight, Darling, Consumption, Echo, Feeling, Schism, Xylophone, Delight, Rocket, Beautiful, Scullery, Scream, Waxing Poetic, Billowing, Simplicity, Elegnant, Craziness, Sophisticate, Caress, Rapberry, Lyrical, Idyllic, Amour, Armor, Pedastal, Pillor, Gypsy, Wounded, Battle Scars, Fatality, Citrus, Porcelain, Ashes, Kiss, Spiral, Staircase, Slipper, Fading, Soapdish, Mourn, Yearn, Graveyard, Sky, Demure, Risky, Portrait, Lady, Sleep, Twilight, Moan, Vessel, Vase, Vein, Exit Music, Mirror, Weekend, Knight, Poetical, Luck, Struck, Exotic, Trouble, Treble Clef, Cage, Deco, Filgree, Braid, Face, Manifesto, Movement, Bliss, Hooks, Heir, French, Dressing, Iron, Paradise, Punch, Pleasing, Typewriter, Sneaker, Kitsch, Detour, Advisory, Literary Circle, Happiness, Ending, Victory Garden, Stroke, Starlet, Mine, Paper Bag, Teenage, Homecoming, Violet, Violin, Living, Scattered, Couture, Sugar Coma, Exclamation Mark, Beat, Heartthrob, Haute, Churning, Pills, Airy, Hidden, Shame Spiral, Sunshine, Apology, Invigorating, Sidewalk, Wash, Apperance, Weakness, Entrance, Catcher, Fight, Bite, Choke, Local, Pieces, Alone, Roaming, Satin, Newness, Belonging, Beloved, Forgotten, Chocolatier, Atelier, Ornate, Knife, Lattice, Curtain, Draped, Bondage, Encounter, Bandaged, Storied, Recording, Escapist, Crime, Pitch, Atone, Circumvent, Acidic, Burn, Prey, Defiant, Gaze, Juxtaposition, Streets, Quaint, Quest, Cocktail, Proof, Adventure, Magical, Kick, Happening, Stadium, Dream, Strawberry, Flaxen, Fading, Signature, Hankerchief, Spacier, Sailing, Crowded, Drink Cart, Cruise, Fury, Fame, Antagonist, Anthesis, Spastic, Opening, Love Notes, Gossip, Discarded, Ribboned, Bedazzled, Dove, Emerald, Pastel, Cake, Sumptuous, Cherry Coke, Melodic, Dreamland, Rewind, Petit Fours, Creme, Club, Kilt, Photography, Journalist, Drown, Rabbit Hole, Voice, Trapdoor, Temperment, Enduring, Decorum, Curdle, Chaise, Cosmetic, Palpable, Optimism, Disguise, Limpid, Comely, Tempest, Surreal, Stark, Downy, Gloss, Sour, Eyelid, Tired, Waitress, Maddening, Clover, Streetlight Fancy, Serpantine, Subway, Fishnets, Clone, Curiosity, Claws, Flight, Hot Pink Cellophane Balloons, Stance, Poise, Pendant, Nature, Loft, Mint, Quill, Quell, Tuberose, Popcorn, Baby Powder, Heaven, Embroidery, Emotions, Gaffe, Subtle, Gargoyle, Sun Shower, Cobalt, Coal, Parasol, Implode, Eyeshadow, Smeared, Surface, Morning, Winery, Daze, Sincere, Danger, Pulsing, Exile, Verse, Knowledge, Duplicate, Chalk, Tomorrow, Single, Regaling, Laisse Faire, Scented, Skyline, Explosion, Raw, Whiplash, Discotheque, Balcony, Intuitive, Derivative, Rotary Dial, Phone, Girl, Horizon, Curl, Destiny, Crash, Eyelash, Imprint, Antidote, Basket Case, Darkness, Placid, Taxi, Glitter, Hope, Foal, Toy, Pocket, Trivial, Pursuit, Frosted Window, Wit, Bubble Gum, Wink, Closet, Cloister, Liason, Kneel, Scruntiny, Hypothesis, Bittersweet, Brass, Camisole, Proverb, Eggshell, Pilgrim, Bonnet, Itch, Skim, Blushing, Shipwreak, Cough, Candlelight, Accent, Savy, Combat, Finery, Final, Riot, Popsicle, Coinage, Pose, Kinship, Coffers, Kidskin, Vineyard, Decay, Touch, Win, Sundae, Lottery, Gourmet, Curtly, Mask, Mermaid, Subtle, Gentlemen, Handwriten, Head Rush, Sound, Premonition, Calligraphy, Piano, Bijoux, Bus Stop, Ceiling, Exploit, Urban, Indie, Stationary, Swimming, Thumb, Speed, Sleek, Delicate, Balance, Scales, Weary, Chirping, Candor, Gushing, Scissors, Killer, Carousel, Spandex Pony, Underfoot, Angels, Prevail, Reunited, Caramel, Throne, Glitz, Perfection, Snowfall, Dignity, Cupid, Arrow, Corpse, Pop Rocks, Monologue, Apocalypse, Joy, Jubilate, Jaded, Vital, Crystal, Ice Palace, Effigy, Zenith, Zeitgeist, Tentacles, Bonnet, Freedom, Rooftop Lover, Orchestra, Pianissimo, Rose, Song, Takeoff, Doll Revolution, Collapse, Nevermind, Mercy, Gothic, Swingset, Backing, Misery, Abyss, Forefront, Usher, Era, Buried, Intrusive, Silence, Infatuation, Woe, Frivolity, Cotton Candy, Confection, Grimace, Fragments, Freakshow, Corruption, Bride, Mimic, Birthday, Veil, Wish, Laundry, Sketch, Fortune Cookie, Above, Graduation, Lurking, Surprise, Forget, Tingling, Voicebox, Scent, Pinprick, Captour, Caped, Unorthodox, Light, Sunbream, Pulsing, Murder, Axis, Tear Ridden, Fragile, Infinite, Skipping, Spell, Smile, Harbour, Wither, Transluccent, Tresses, Steamer Trunk, Soundless, Inflection, Rhythmic, Candied, Attraction, Vision, Wreak, Meadow, Flirtation, Vicious, Steal, Drifting, Slash, Stylistic, Tracing, Clock, Imitation, Flicker, Garland, Victorious, Haunting, Wintersong, Fidget, Charity, Wavering, Stealth, Pier, Save, Surface, Faint, Matchpoint, Enharmonic, Seaside, Bohemian, Bleak, Sword, Vendetta, Vivacious, Asylum, Dreary, Heart Shaped, Vaniety, Wardrobe, Longing, Insaniety, Sing-Along, Creased, Metronome, Vain, Promises, Capsule, Proximity, Predator, Ice Cream, Stitch, Chaos, Richly, Yours, Sincere, Gown, Mate, Decipher, Cloaked, Threads, Petty, Listen, Impulse, Listless, Serial, Sophistry, Consume, Humanity, Hidden, Tedium, Manhattan, Drift, Acoustic, Intellect, Sophmore, Tragical, Paper Boats, Foundling, Accelerate, Pompous, Impetous, Wafting, Pastimes, Complexities, Armoire, Unjust, Compassion, Devil, Compulsion, Trickled, Limited, Episode, Warning, Blackout, Pulp, Anxiety, Splintered, Flutter, Atrocity, Promenade, Spill, Sensation, Mystery, Intrusion, Fervor, Timing, Rabid, Lost, Libertine, Coil, Augustian, Wail, Recluse, Dispel, Whimsy, Nightmare, Party, Friday, Morning, Hero, Tender, Embrace, Intent, Potent, Organza, Dillettante, Romance, Teacup, Fragment, Valet, Cake Walk, Moondance, Column, Betrayal, Elite, Ostracized, Venetian, Gazette, Heaven, Vanilla, Eclipse, Aromatic, Carriage House, Broadway, Prologue, Prodigy, Current, Ornate, Exertion, Elaborate, Propose, Refined, Downcast, Gutter, Gardenia, Telltale, Wed, Coif, Linger, Pallbearer, Perch, Afterlife, Pry, Fathom, Loveliness, Crypt, Factory, Tread, Smoldering, Regime, Hunting, Beau, Ballet Slippers, Slender, Postscript, Poppies, Estate Sale, Whitewash, Miniature, Recreational, Crumble, Cappuccino, Supreme, Smother, Wring, Throat, Lollipop, Architect, Feat, Studio Apartment, Night Cap, Soaked, Ward, Manicure, Obscurity, Wizened, Doppelganger, Strawberry Milkshake, Cloud, Ascetic, Stoic, Transparent, Salvation, Fresco, Frenetic, Smoke Rings, Bodice, Studded, Canopy, Fan, Fawn, Conspiracy, Soul, Pottery, Energy, Kiln, Sculpture, Clay, Waltz, Alabaster, Putty, Salon, Live, Iris, Clasp, Pewter, Pearl, Candlestick, Lineage, Frog Prince, Damask, Loss, Jodhpurs, Imposing, Wrought, Priceless, Chipped, Railroad, Hostel, Drawing, Footwork, Rook, Castle, Cupcake, Anxiety, Clockwork, Death Bed, Tryst, Transatlantic, Acrid, Apology, Pep, Ballroom, Menace, Messenger, Exhurberance, Reprise, Respite, Fringe, Marshmallow, Decolletage, Partisian, December, College, Remenant, Shadow, Corset, Palazzo, Theatre, Graymalkin, Heirloom, Hideout, Cave, Unabashed, Cassette, Vivid, Locale, Chiffon, Meringue, Moderate, Showdown, Giddy, Childhood, Curse, Gramercy, Trench, Trilby, Carrier, Chest, Fringe, Momentum, Kindred, Gravity,Necklace, Turret, Winged, Artist, Straving, Pomade, Suite, Ace, Transcendent, Barefoot, Fete, Foreign, Perverse, Mysticism, Virtue, Guise, Mood, Virtuoso, Treat, Threat, Truth, Decanter, Interlude, Clad, Sniff, Honour, Cluster, Exposure, Debauchery, Identity, Island, Prominance, Providence, Rebel, Yell, Maiden, Crawl, Opera, Puppet, Vulnerability, Mezzanine, Spur, Forest, Cliche, Vine, Delirious, Hum, Thorn, Tempo, Motorcycle, Sapphire, Lagoon, Summering, Sephric, Crusade, Beast, Glance, Blanketed, Swirling, Fluster, Gasp, Everything, Cleanisng, Unicorn, Laughing, Dessert, Fantasy, Frosting, Halt, Saunter, Soon, Pain, Quail, Dearest, Goodbyes, Finally, Falling, Alive, Treat, Only, Epiphany, Murmur, Sweatheart, Eternia, Dreamer


I like too many words.
Someone PLEASE save me from myself!
Word Addicts Anonymous (WAA).
Zydrate's the only cure.

If I was the only one left, I'd stop in my tracks. I wouldn't be able to laugh or cry, just sit, in the middle of the sidewalk, pick up a pen and write my own Book of Dreams, for City Lights.

The Writing On The Wall:
Here's the first poem I ever wrote, for your laughing pleasure:

Advice For When Your Older

You Believe that the fate of the world is
Love, laugh, amusement
You live on top, past all the real, painful , sad stuff
Dreams pass, do you hear the silence?
Stop fighting it!
Share major wealth
Love something sweet
Got pain?
Want less?
Spill a personal fear
List a dream
It's a must-have
Reach your mark and cry:
"Look I am special!"

(really much ado about nothing, at all, but whatever.)

I'm older now, and I feel like my ten year old self wrote the poem for me. Maybe I should just toughen up my all-too sensitive skin, wear steel toed boots and not let the world get to me. Take my own advice, a spill my 200 odd secrets, get my head out of the clouds where only the angels fuck, and on the ground, where I actually exist (in theory...).
But who really wants to sit and listen to the ramblings of a mad (crazy) girl?

Now I still here, still wearing my lucky necklace from grade six (from when I made my first cast list), poised to graduate from high school, confirmed to be moving at least four hours away from everything I've ever know in a few short months.
Now I'm thinking about this,
the future so empty and ready for me to shape it, and I can't stop mulling over the past.
But the past, present and future, just blend together for me, before my dancing eyes, until I can't tell what has already happened and what I've only dreamt of.
It's very Little Edie.

But there's nothing you can do with regret. You can't ever go back, can't ever fix things, as hard as you try, it's only grasping at pastel coloured straws, until they slip from my bitten fingers. No matter how much the past haunts you, there's no flux capacitor for me, and I'll never rule the morlocks.

But I digress, I'm only seventeen. I don't know why I'm so flightly and carefree one minute, and analying my life, like it's full of tradgedy or torment.
I've never really been hurt
I've never really loved
I've never really been rejected
I've never really let myself free, from the limits I impose on myself, my worst jailer.

So really, the only question is "Why So Serious?"
(really you should get a glascow smile if you don't get this one, at least!)

I've come so far, but I've never gotten home. I'm one of those girls who would take the wheel and drive out into the night, hypnotized by the full moon, driving until I fit a home.
I'm Holly Golightly tonight. Not the one, the party girl Audrey Hepburn played in the movie, but the erratic, dreamer callgirl from Truman Capote's original novella, still an undomesticated wild thing who doesn't understand how to live.

Holly Golightly: You know those days when you get the mean reds?
Fred: The mean reds, you mean like the blues?
Holly Golightly: No. The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?
Fred: Sure.
Holly Golightly: Well, when I get it the only thing that does any good is to jump in a cab and go to Tiffany's. Calms me down right away. The quietness and the proud look of it; nothing very bad could happen to you there. If I could find a real-life place that'd make me feel like Tiffany's, then -then I'd buy some furniture and give the cat a name!

-Breakfast At Tiffany's

I feel like this when it's snowing, but you can't just like in the snow and not expect to freeze. I might really be the no name slob, the cat who needs to be taken in, taken care of, and hibernate by the fire.

Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke

Dream Catcher,

Dreaming of You

Dreaming of Me....

Doomed